Forgotten ties...

I couldn't get along very well with my brothers. Period.

Deep inside I know that I kinda resent them for being not useful and lazy. And worse is the one that nutured himself a mouth foulier than a rotting corpse and a temper that would make himself nothing more worth than a peck of dust.

Deep inside I know that I,myself ain't Ms Perfect. I am just not very nice either. I always thought at least I do my homework and I know that I really care and had always put my family in priority.

Deep inside I know that as this goes on, the strain becomes tighter.

But I know I am never gonna be nice and let them take things for granted.
Mum and Dad can continue to let them do whatever they want and discipline how they want. I know I don't understand (yet) but I bear no responsibility anyhow.

Deep inside I know that if this is goodbye, I won't sit back and sob.

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Like many relationships in life, many tell the stories other how.

Now I came to understand that each parting story had a reason at least.
We sticked to our own stand, defended our own right and guarded high against others.
When things happened, they happened cos' we let them to.
We are both too hurt and tired to care about how you feel always. Isn't my feeling important too?

I am clear minded the day after. I know really I didn't do anything wrong.
I ain't the type that would take the strong approach to my friends or others who didnt know me better.
If I am really wrong, I apologise with no ill feelings.
But if I am not, I wondered what went wrong.
I am not seeking for apologies.
I am just seeking for a reason.

When everything happened, it only seems we are capable of taking what we had for granted? Note that I no longer wanna labelled things as a one man island.

Oh..how does it matter?How will it matter?

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No wonder we always hear that growing up is a very ...special progress?
No wonder we always hear that grown ups are no fun.
No wonder we always hear that the society is a sickening cold metal plate.
No wonder we always hear that politics doesnt take place between countries but in offices and even classrooms?
No wonder we always hear that so many bad things that destroyed dreams and hopes.

So they are not just horror stories that are used to boo you.

They are real.

*shrugs*

Survive it or not.

I just hope that ...you stay happy. I no longer care who you are now.

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Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain